he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
