I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he wants to bone in the snuggie
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
