and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We left the knife in your bed.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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