No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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