I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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