hell yes lets make some ravioli
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
