no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
