I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
