I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize