based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
