"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
