I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
