I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
