I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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