i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the day after is always just damage control
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
