i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
