I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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