bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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