Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
