So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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