I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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