woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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