im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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