I feel great
I just peed on a car
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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