Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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