He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
