I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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