dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
