I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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