two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
