you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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