That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
