you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
