apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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