guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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