just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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