Cold hands, warm shart.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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