I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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