Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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