Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
