If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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