you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i wish my penis had a tongue
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize