so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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