I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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