Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
