It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
