Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
