i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
