Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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