I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
