so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
