I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Two words: blizzard sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
