Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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