barbara walters just said penis...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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