Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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