you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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