We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Randomize