I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize