i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
This toilet bowl is my home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
