Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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