saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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