that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
