i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
