Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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