i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize