I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am naked and annoyed.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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