I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
