I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
