It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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