I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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