I'll bet she douches with gravy.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
