he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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