Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
