he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
