We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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